Tonight I remembered the things you told to me a month ago.
I remembered you told me to go fuck myself.
You told me you didn't love me.
I still remember that night.
I still remember those words rolling off your tongue so gracefully.
I remember wondering how someone that had done such beautiful things could be so cruel.
I tried to talk to you, I tried we were "just friends".
You answered me, but you never talked to me first.
I thought you didn't care of me.
From that day on, I made sure to let go of you, and every negative word that was said, in a peaceful way.
Fast forward one month, and I still wonder how you are.
I still wonder how your cats are, how your little brother is, and if you've seen any good movies lately.
If you ever heard me say this, you'd probably think I am mad like you used to whenever I said something sweet.
You'd probably think I think these things because I still love you, that I still want you.
But that is not the case.
You see, six months ago I was jumping through hoops to please you, to make sure you were happy before myself.
To make sure that I was the one causing your happiness.
But it is not six months ago.
It is now.
And now I simply remember you as a person I gave my soul to.
A person I told secrets to at 4 AM and kissed and hugged to feel a sense of closeness.
A person I loved.
But it is not six months ago.
It is now, and now I miss you.
I miss the way you always took care of me.
I miss the way you always tried to make me happy.
I miss the way you looked at me like I was the only girl in the world.
I miss the way you told me stories even if you didn't wanted, only because you knew I loved it.
I miss the friendship, the complicity we had, the secrets, the time we spent together, the laughs.
And now you don't even ask me how I am.
Maybe one day things will be different.
Maybe you'll call me on a Tuesday afternoon and ask how my day was.
These are the things I think about before my eyes slowly close and I am finally rewarded with sleep.
Sometimes I even cry in my bed before I can sleep.
And you don't deserve it.
So, for right now:
Go fuck yourself.
